You. Yes, you. How are you? I hope you’re having an amazing day! And if you’re not? I hope it gets better!
So, I don’t usually write posts that directly address the person reading them, but today I felt like I had to. I haven’t posted anything in a while, and that is because of how I’d been feeling.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been going through a phase of “I’m not good enough.” I wish I could say that I’m the only person who feels this way or that it’s extremely rare, but it’s not. Unfortunately, this is something most teenagers go through on a regular basis.
We compare ourselves to professionals. We compare ourselves to each other, we compare, we compare and we compare. We’re always comparing.
This trend, at least for me, always leads to a downward spiral of feeling like I don’t measure up, and that I never will.
I have many insecurities, like the fact that I’m not as smart as other people, or the fact that I get annoyed and snap at people way too often. The fact that I talk a lot. I am obnoxious. I’m over bearing, I’m too much. I’m afraid that people are only friends with me because it’s comfortable, or because they’re close to my family. I’m afraid that I will let my parents down and that they be proud of me. I’m afraid that once I move on to college, I won’t be able to make friends. I’m afraid that I won’t even get into college. There are so many things I am afraid of. So many fears and insecurities. People don’t always see them, but they’re there.
And as I was thinking more about this, and trying to find inspiration for something to write about, I came across the word opposite. It got me to thinking, what if I was the complete opposite of who I am today. Would that me really be a better me?
So, I made a list. I wrote down things that I wanted to change about myself:
- Smartness – Academically, I never feel smart enough.
- Talkative- I feel like I talk way too much.
- My nose- It’s kind of round at the tip.
- My smile- I can’t smile in pictures.
- Openness – I’m super open, and always sharing, I feel like people get annoyed by it.
- Mainstream/Predictable- I do everything just like everyone else. Unoriginal
- Organized- Well it speaks for itself.
- “Put together”
Then I thought about what I’d be like if those things had been changed:
I’d most probably be an extremely intelligent, reserved, quiet person, who had a perfect nose and knew how to smile in pictures. I’d be organized and space my work out, but I’d still stray away from the normal, and surprise people. I’d most definitely be put together.
Would this person really be the perfect me?
NO. Probably not.
If I were that person, I would probably seem unapproachable. I might come off as intimidating, or as someone who wasn’t relatable. I wouldn’t be as welcoming as I hope I am. And the more I thought about it, I realized that if I were my alter-ego, I wouldn’t be here writing. Because she wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing how she felt, or opening up to people, let alone people she didn’t know.
If I were my alter-ego, I would NOT be doing the things I love so much, like socializing, and writing and expressing myself.
It’s really hard to do the things you love and it’s most often the things you love that you’re insecure about the most. But it is those little things that make you who you are.
I’m not saying there isn’t room for improvement, because it’s always there. (I could definitely use some improvement with my organization skills.) But, just remember, if you’re insecure or nervous about something, it’s probably because it means a lot to you.
Don’t believe me? Try it yourself.
Make a list of the things you want to change about yourself, and then change them to create your alter-ego. Pretend for a little while that everything you go through your alter-ego does too, or just imagine life as your alter-ego. Remember to keep them human, because even alter-ego’s have room for “improvement”. Then at the end, think of everything you’d lose if you were that person. Then decide for yourself if it’s really worth it. It wasn’t for me.
Prisha Khimavat <3