Prisha Khimavat

This is part of a writing challenge. Click here to read more about it.

What is it about fixing something that is so appealing?

Whether that be aligning a picture on a wall so it’s no longer tilted or finally getting your life together. Whether it’s fixing the chain on a broken bag or fixing a broken heart.

There is something uniquely special about fixing things.

I had been thinking about this concept because of some concepts I recently learned. I was reading some research on romance novels and what type of characters people like more when I read that we don’t like to read about perfect people. We like to read about people that are broken, imperfect. As far as reading goes, that makes sense. We recognize that as humans we are imperfect and will always be, so we enjoy reading about characters who are broken in some way so that we can better relate to them.

This got me thinking about relationships in our lives. When you first meet someone, anyone, in the initial stages you find the other person to be perfect. Unless you are wildly incompatible, you notice all the ways that you are compatible. Which again, makes sense. As social creatures we want to form all sorts of relationships and connections so we try to find ways in which that is possible. So, we look for signs of compatibility, and when we find at least a few, we start building that relationship.

With time, we start noticing the small signs of incompatibility. The little quirks the other person has that are different from us. We laugh about those quirks, and as long as they don’t get in the way and impede the relationship, we let them slide. This may be some sort of habit that’s frustrating, or a little annoying flaw, like the way they chew with their mouth open or slurp their soup or even how they do normal things different from us. However, the importance of the relationship far outweighs the annoyance, so we push it aside either hoping that they’ll stop doing it, or that we’ll get used to it. Time goes on, and sometimes those quirks that annoyed us at first, that we thought were flaws to be fixed are instead things that don’t bother us anymore. However, more often than not, the things that we initially liked about the other person become sources of annoyance.

For example, you meet someone and right off the bat they’re super honest with you about something that others aren’t. Something about that person draws you because they’re offering something that other people are not. Later you discover that they like cats instead of dogs, and you think that there’s no way you’re going to be able to be friends, because hello, that’s incompatibility 101. But, as time goes on, you realize that neither one of you actually own pets so it doesn’t affect you at all. However, now, you realize that not only is this other person honest, but they can also be really blunt. So, instead of carefully sharing some unfortunate opinions, they do it really quickly and kind of harshly, and it feels like they forgot to take your feelings into account. It hurts and it’s kind of painful. Now, how is it that the thing that drew you to them in the first place is the thing that’s pushing you apart?

So, is this a case of classic oversight? Or is it maybe self sabotage?

Is it possible that we look for flaws in the people we care about because it’s scary? It’s scary to open up, and build relationships. It’s scary to put ourselves out there and to be honest about what we want and who we are. Maybe, when we notice deep friendships developing we want to stop them right there because what if they deteriorate after we get attached.

Or maybe, just maybe, we look for flaws in others to find out if they’ll let us fix them. Being broken is hard, it’s difficult. Letting others see our pain and hurt is difficult. When we develop meaningful relationships, we want to share our pain but we also want the other person to share their pain. We want to be there for one another, we want to help each other, and to some extent, we want to feel capable. Capable of helping another person and perhaps even worthy of fixing someone.

Maybe, just maybe, our desire to fix things comes from our desire to be wanted, to feel needed.

~ Prisha Khimavat ~

Duration: 28 minutes 30 seconds